Comfortably Numb
by Ragazzabella
Summary: Mark and Collins help Roger through withdrawl. Possible eventual MarkRoger I havent decided yet. Rating may go up with later chapters. 9TH CHAPTER UP!
1. User Dreams

_Roger sat at a table that was covered in every different kind of drug he could think of. Anything he wanted to do was right there in front of him. What to do first? He thought to himself. He picked up the needle and pushed it into his arm. He let out a sigh as he felt the heroin rush through his veins. He dropped the needle and leaned back against his chair._

Roger sat up suddenly in his bed in a cold sweat. He was shaking and felt like he was going to be sick. He jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

Mark opened his eyes and heard the all too familiar sounds of Roger emptying the contents his stomach in the bathroom. Mark got out of bed and walked into the bathroom, to find Roger laying on the floor next to the toilette.

"Hey" Mark bent down next to him and put his hand on his forehead. "Another user dream?"

"Yeah" Roger was shaking violently under Marks touch. "They feel so real, Mark, I feel like I just shot up." He whined as Mark picked him up off the floor. "When will they stop?" Roger asked sounding like a child looking to his mother for answers.

"Hopefully soon." Mark said as he dragged Roger into his room and laid him down on the bed.

"Mark" Roger reached up and weakly tried to grab Marks hand. "Don't leave me, please. I...I...I'm so scared."

Mark sat down and pulled Roger closer to him. He was sweating and shaking uncontrolablly. "I won't leave Rog."

Roger leaned against him and the shaking calmed down a little. This withdrawl had been harder then Mark had expected it to be. Roger had made little progress so far, he was better but it was going to be a long time before Roger was fully clean.

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Sorry this is so short but it kinda needs to be separate from the next chapter. I promise they will get longer.


	2. Roller Coaster of Emotions

Mark walked out of Rogers room after his roommate had finally fallen asleep. "Hey what are you doing up?" He asked Collins

"Its already eight." He pointed out. "Besides I couldn't sleep. What are you doing up? Is Roger ok?"

"Yeah he had another user dream last night, and he didn't want me to leave him alone. Those dreams freak the shit out of him."

"They are pretty bad, but I did some research pretty much everyone going through withdrawl has them, and many times even after the person is clean and through withdrawl the dreams will continue."

"Wow that sucks." Mark said walking over and sitting down next to Collins on the couch.

Roger opened his eyes and looked around. He reached down and traced the track marks on his arm. "Fuck" He sighed. He needed a hit, and he needed it now. He got up and got dressed and walked out of his room. Mark and Collins were sitting on the couch playing a game of cards. He looked at them for a moment before making a break for the door.

"Roger no!" Collins and Mark yelled as they jumped up off the couch after him.

Mark ran over and put his arms around Roger trying to pull him back as Collins lunged to block the door.

"Get the fuck off of me Mark!" Roger yelled.

"No you've gone to far to fuck this up now!" Mark screamed as Roger threw him off of him against the wall.

Collins ran over and grabbed Roger and pulled him into his room. "Fuck you! I just need one hit! Just one! Please!" Roger begged as Collins through him into his room, and locked the door. When they had decided to detox Roger they switched around the lock on his door so that now it could only lock from the outside.

Collins ran over and picked Mark up off the floor. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." He panted rubbing the spot on his head that had came in contact with the wall.

Collins sighed and looked at Mark. "Go out and film. You need to get out of the house."

"I can't" Mark sighed as a sob came from behind the locked door. "I can't just leave him."

"Yes you can. I'll be here. Roger will be fine, I promise. Just go get some fresh air it will do you good."

"Yeah your probably right." Mark walked over and grabbed his camera. "I'll be back soon."

"Take as long as you need Mark."

Collins went over and sat down on the couch, all that could be heard throughout the loft were Rogers sobs and pleas from behind the door.

"Collins! Collins! Let me out!" Roger banged on the door. "One hit one fucking hit is all I need!"

"Shut the fuck up Roger! I'm not letting you out of there, so quit your bitching!"

Rogers screaming stopped but Collins could still hear him sobbing. Collins put his hands over his eyes and laid back against the couch.

He opened his eyes and looked around. I must have fallen asleep he thought. He got up to check on Roger, he was asleep in his bed. Collins shut the door but left it unlocked. He went to the kitchen to see if there was any food anywhere in the house. His head was buried deep in a cupboard looking for food when he heard a door open. He looked up and saw Roger walked out of his room.

"Hey Rog." He said apprehensively. He needed to test the waters to see what kind of mood he was in.

"Hi" Roger walked over to the couch and sat down. Collins came out of the kitchen and joined the singer on the couch.

"You doin ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

Collins picked up the deck of cards that was sitting on the table and began to mindlessly shuffle them.

"Lets play." Roger motioned to the cards.

"Ok. What do you wanna play."

"War?"

"Sure." Collins began to deal the cards and he could see Roger begin to perk up.

They began to play and soon it was like old times. They were laughing and joking, Roger became the Roger they had became friends with, the Roger before drugs. But Rogers mood soon changed when he realized Mark did not seem to be in the loft.

"Hey Collins wheres Mark? Is he asleep in his room?" Roger began to get fidgety and nervous.

"No" Collins shook his head. "He went out to film for a while."

Roger dropped his cards and brought his knees to his chest. "Wh...when..will he b...be home?"

Collins put down his cards and put his arm on Rogers shoulder. "Any minute now Rog. Its ok I'm here."

Roger shyed away from his touch. "I need Mark."

"Roger I promise its ok."

"No Mark...I need Mark." Roger began to shake and tears fell from his eyes.

"Listen Roger..."

Just then the door opened and Mark walked in. Roger jumped up off the couch and ran over to Mark. He grabbed him and pulled him tight against his body. He buried his head into Marks neck and began to sob.

"M...M...Mark...don't...l...leave...me" He sobbed as Mark held him tight.

"Shh...Roger its ok. I won't leave you I promise." Mark patted Roger reassuringly on the back. "Hey why don't you go lay down. I'll make you something to eat."

"Ok" Roger sniffed and walked into his room.

"Hey Collins."

"Hey Mark."

"Did anything happen while I was gone?" Mark asked walking into the kitchen.

"No he fell asleep after you left. Then he woke up and we played cards. He was fine like old Roger for a while, and then he realized you were gone and he freaked out."

"I see, oh well he'll be ok." It still surprised Mark how fast the mood changes came with the withdrawl. Last night Roger was scared, this morning he was pissed, then he was normal Roger, then he was scared and sad again. Helping Roger through this was like a roller coaster ride, and Mark had never liked roller coasters.


	3. Benny

Mark searched around the kitchen. "We don't have any food Collins."

"I could have told you that." Collins pointed out.

"Well I guess Roger won't be getting any food." Mark said as he walked over to Rogers room. He opened the door and saw Roger curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed sweating, and shaking. He seemed to be in the middle of a bad dream, he was yelling and seemed scared.

"No...Mark help...need hit...Marky! Marky!...help me...no...no...drugs...please don't leave me...Mark!"

Mark ran over and and put his hand on the Rockers forehead. His yelling immeadiatly subsided and the shaking calmed down. "Shh...shh Roger its ok...shh. I will never leave you, I promise."

Mark got up and walked into his room. He grabbed some blankets and walked back to Roger. He laid the blankets down on him and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I promise." He said before he turned and walked out of the room.

"Hey is he ok?"

"Yeah Collins he's fine, just sleeping. Hey listen I need you to go out and get some food and..." He walked in to the bathroom. "Yeah just as I thought Rogers almost out of AZT. So will you go get some food and AZT?"

"Um...sure." Collins said standing in the doorway.

"Look I'd go but I'm afraid to leave him again. I don't want him to wake up and me not be here."

"Yeah I understand Mark, but there's a little thing called money that we're missing."

Mark pulled a fifty out of his pocket and handed it to Collins. "Here this should cover it."

"W...what...where the hell did you get this?"

"It doesn't matter just go get food Roger needs it, we all do."

"Ok" Collins replied with a confused looked as he walked out of the loft. "I hope weren't out whoring yourself on the streets." He said with a laugh.

Mark fell back onto the couch and closed his eyes. Collins was not going to find out where he got that money.

_Earlier that day:_

_Mark left the loft and walked down the street camera in hand. His head still hurt from when Roger threw him against the wall. _

_He walked over to the park and sat down on a bench, and tears began to flow from his eyes. Dealing with Roger was hard, but he wanted to help him, he needed to help him. _

_Just then someone walked up and sat down beside him. _

_"Hey pookie what's wrong?" He looked up and saw Maureen staring at him._

_"Nothing."_

_"Mark I'm not stupid tell me." She demanded._

_"Well, I dunno I'm just stressed I guess, with Roger and all. Plus we are completely out of food, neither Collins or I have eaten in a few days we gave what was left to Roger. So now I need to figure out how to get money to buy us food, so we don't starve."_

_"Oh pookie." She wrapped her arm around him. "I'm sorry. You two can't keep sacrificing yourselves for him."_

_"No, we have to Mo. He's weaker then we are, he needs it. Just help me figure out how to get money."_

_"Well let's see...Well I know you probably don't wanna do this but you could go ask Benny."_

_"What no!" Mark exclaimed. "Any other ideas?"_

_"Well you could always whore yourself on the street." Maureen said playfully. _

_"Um...No"_

_"Well I'm out of ideas."_

_Mark sighed. "I guess I'll go ask Benny, I can't just sit by and watch Roger die." Mark got up. "Bye Maureen."_

_"Bye Marky."_

_Mark began to walk in the direction of Bennys apartment. He couldn't believe he was going to go beg for money from Benny. He dried the tears from his eyes as he walked up to Bennys apartment. If he had had any pride left at all he would not have knocked on the door at that moment._

_Benny opened the door to find Mark standing there, his eyes shrink wrapped in tears. "Oh..um...Mark hi. Come in."_

_"Thanks." Mark said as he walked inside._

_"Do you want some coffee or something?"_

_"No...No I'm fine."_

_"Hows Roger coming along?"_

_"He's ok. Thats actually kinda the reason I'm here. Well this has all been really hard and well...none of us have eaten in a few days, we gave the last of the food to Roger since he's so weak. Well, we have no food and no money and if I remember correctly Roger is almost out of AZT. So um..."_

_"Look Mark, I know we didn't part on the best of terms but Rogers my friend and I don't want to see him die or get hooked again, I'd be happy to help."_

_"Thank you so much Benny. I didn't want to have to come ask you but I didn't have another option."_

_"I know Mark, how much do you need?" Benny pulled out his wallet._

_"Whatever you can give will help."_

_"Here's $200. That should last you guys a while." Benny handed Mark the money._

_"No, Benny thats too much." Mark tried to hand it back._

_"No its not Mark I want to help, take it."_

_Mark reluctantly put the money in his pocket. "Thank you Benny you have no idea how much this will help."_

_"Anytime Mark, I'm here for you guys."_

_Mark began to walk out the door. "Oh and um..."_

_"Yes I'll turn your heat back on."_

_"Thanks." Mark muttered before turing and walking out the door. _


	4. I'm Hurting

Collins trudged up the stairs, with the groceries in hand. He made it up to the door and set the bags down so he could open it, when it flung itself open and Roger flew out. Roger hadn't noticed Collins and he ran right into him.

"Fuck! Collins move!" Roger yelled fighting to get passed him.

"No! Get the fuck inside!" Collins screamed and shoved the pissed off musician back in the loft. "Stop it Ro..." Collins stopped mid sentence when he noticed Mark laying on a heap on the floor. There was a cut above his eye that was bleeding badly, and a fresh bruise had started to form on the pale skin of his arm.

"Roger." His voice had gone from stern to shaky. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I...Im...s...s...sorry Collins...I...I...didn't...I'm sorry...no...Collins!" Roger pleaded.

"This is the last fucking straw Roger!" Collins hissed at him. "Get in your fucking room." Collins threw him in and locked the door.

"I'm sorry Collins I didn't mean it I'm sorry!" Roger cries filled the loft.

Collins ran over and began to shake Mark. He began to come to and Collins stood up. "I'm done Roger fucking done! I can't do this anymore!" He yelled at the door. "Your a fucking dick you can't do this! I'm done helping you, Go fuck yourself up if you want I don't give a shit anymore!" He walked over to unlock the bedroom door.

Mark came to and jumped up. "No Collins!" He yelled as he ran to Rogers door and re locked it. "No! He's not leaving! I don't care if your done Collins I'm not!"

Collins stepped away from the door in shock. "I don't see why we can't just let him go we've done all we can! And I don't know how the fuck you can bring yourself to forgive him time after time!"

"You wanna know why we can't just throw him out?" Mark asked. "Cause he will shoot up again and be one fucking step closer to death, and he is already two steps to fucking close! He will go live on the streets and die, or if he possibly comes back here we will be back at square fucking one! You know what's the worst that can happen to us if he stays? A couple cuts and bruises here and there but we will live! If he goes out there it will be his death!" Mark screamed tears running freely down his cheeks. "And you wanna know how I can bring myself to forgive him every time? Cause he's my best friend and we are all he has! I know that every time he hits me or yells or tries to escape thats not Roger talking, thats the drugs! Its his want and need of something that we can't give him. I believe that if we try hard enough we can bring the old Roger back! The fun Roger the one we love. I can't stand by and watch him kill himself!" Mark turned and walked toward his bedroom. "Thats why we can't throw him out! Thats why I can forgive him!" Mark yelled as he slammed the door.

Collins walked over and sat dumbfounded on the couch. He fell back and laid down. Maybe Marks right he thought, I can't watch Roger die. He laid there for a good while before suddenly jumping up. "Shit!" He yelled. He had left the groceries in the hall. Hopefully someone hadn't already stolen them. He walked out and felt relieved when he saw them still sitting on the ground by the door.

He walked into the kitchen and began to put the food away when he heard a door open. He looked up and saw Mark walk out of his room. "Hey" Collins said as he rummaged through the bags.

"Collins, listen," Mark walked over to him. "I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just stressed you know, and I wasn't gonna let all we had done go to shit."

"I know Mark, I'm sorry too. We're all wound a little tight right now. Do you want something to eat?"

"No I'm gonna go see if Rogers awake I need to talk to him."

"Ok." Collins said watching Mark turn and walk towards Rogers room.

Mark open the door and stepped inside. Roger was laying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "Hey" Mark said with apprehension

"Fuck off Mark." Roger hissed his words were as cold as ice.

Mark walked over and sat down on the bed. "Roger I need to talk to you."

"So talked." He spat back.

"I really want to help you Rog, but before I can help you anymore I need to know one thing. Why."

"Why what Mark?" Roger hissed and rolled over so his back was to the filmmaker.

"Why are you willing to kill to get this drug? Why do you not think twice about putting your life on the line for a momentary high? Why do you think you need this?"

Roger rolled over to face Mark, their were tears in his eyes. "You wanna know why?" He challenged "Because I like how it feels not to feel. I can't deal with emotions Mark, I can't. I can't handle loss, and pain, and hurt, and jealousy, and suffering. The only way I know how to make those feelings go away is through drugs. I don't care if its a momentary high, because for a moment, I don't hurt anymore. If I can make the pain of it all go away, if only for a moment its worth it! I used to be able to deal with emotions but I just can't anymore Mark, and the thought of April just makes it worse, therefore making the need for a split second of happiness worse. I want to let go but I can't!" Roger was now openly sobbing.

"Shh Roger it's ok." Mark rubbed Roger on the back. "Look Roger I understand. I shut my emotions away long ago. I know you don't want to feel anymore, I know you want to be numb, but what about other feelings like love and happiness. If you can get clean you can have them for more than a moment. I know you want to forget April, and I'm sorry but I think the only way you can do that is to deal with the pain. You need closure and that is the best way to get it."

"I know Mark, I do, but its so hard. I need your help, I can't get through this alone." Tears poured out of Rogers eyes onto his shirt.

"I'm here for you Rog, but your gonna need to meet me half way. I can't do it alone either."

Roger sniffed and looked up at him. "I'll try, Mark I will."

"I know you will."

"Make the pain go away Mark. I don't wanna hurt anymore." Roger begged laying his head on Marks chest and closing his eyes.

"I will do the best I can Roger, and I promise I won't ever leave you." Mark began to stoke his hair to comfort the crying rockstar.

Roger gave one last sob before he drifted off to sleep with his head on Marks chest.

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I won't lie I started to cry while I was writing this! I am pretty emotional though so that doesn't necessarily mean much hehe!


	5. Monopoly

Sorry Collins really has been here much, but I need to show the bond between Mark and Roger. He's in this chapter some but not too much.

Oh and lots of candy for whoever finds the line from one of Dane Cook's acts in this chapter the Fight Club line in chapter 3 and the line from Life as a House in chapter 4...Enjoy!

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"Mmm..." Roger stretched and rubbed his eyes as he walked out of his room. Mark was on the couch messing with his camera, and Collins was in the chair reading the Village Voice. Roger walked over and collapsed on the couch next to Mark.

"Hey Rog. How you feelin?" Collins asked not looking up from the paper.

"M'not bad. Hungry." He answered.

"Want me to make you something?" Mark got up off the couch and walked to the kitchen.

"Sure what do we have?"

"I dunno, lots. Cereal, pasta, sandwiches, chips, mac and cheese."

"Oo I want mac and cheese." Roger answered perking up like an over eager young boy.

Collins chuckled from his spot in the chair at his friends surprisingly good mood.

"M'kay." Mark said pulling the box out of the cupboard and putting a pot of water on the stove to boil.

"Anything interesting?" Roger asked motioning towards the paper.

"No not really, same old shit." Collins answered honestly.

Roger laughed, and a moment later Mark emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of macaroni and cheese in his hand.

He handed the bowl and a spoon to Roger. "Here"

"Thanks Marky."

"Sure Rog. Don't eat it too fast your stomach has been really sensitive lately, I'd be careful if I was you." Mark warned.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Ok mother."

Roger of course ignored Marks warning and ate the food in no time at all. He sat for a moment before setting the bowl down and running to the bathroom. Mark laughed and followed Roger to the bathroom.

He was bent down over the toilet emptying the contents of his stomach. Mark walked over and pushed his hair out of his face. "You ok?"

"What do you think." He replied sarcastically and fell back against the wall.

"I told you."

"Whatever, help me up."

Mark took Rogers arm and led him back out to the couch. "I'll get you some water."

"Thanks Mark."

"Fuck Roger quit wasting our food." Collins poked sarcastically.

"Fuck you Collins."

Collins just laughed and went back to his paper. He was in no mood to fight with moody Roger.

Mark came back to the couch with a cup of water for Roger and sat down next to him. He rubbed his back soothingly. "Better?"

"Much."

"Good"

Roger leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. They sat in silence for a while until Roger sat upright. "I'm bored." He whined

"Well what do you want to do." Mark asked startled by the sudden breaking of the silence.

"I dunno, lets play a board game" The musician suggested enthusiastically.

"Rog I'm pretty sure we don't own any board games." Collins pointed out.

"Yeah we do. I bought Mark Monopoly a couple years ago." He stuck his tongue out at the professor.

Mark smiled and stood up. "I'll go get it." He came out of his room a minute later board game in hand.

Roger and Collins moved onto the floor as Mark began to set up the game. Roger reached for the dog piece, and stuck his tongue out at Collins who had reached for it at the same moment.

"Your such a baby." Collins chuckled.

"Stop it you two." Mark said as he pulled out the money.

They began to play and the game went good for a while before Collins decided he was bored and it was taking to long.

Collins let out a sigh. "Where'd you get the pink fifties you cheating whore?" He said with a laugh at Mark.

"Hey I'm not cheating." Mark said innocently

Collins stood up. "Well boys, I'd love to stay and play but Marks a cheating whore and this game takes way to fucking long." He laughed as he walked towards the door.

"Ok, but where are you going?" Roger asked.

"I dunno for walk or something. Have fun!"

"Bye Collins!" They yelled after him

They immediately went back to there very enjoyable game of Monopoly. Roger was doing well and having fun, and Mark was enjoying him. Not too long after Collins left though, Mark began to notice him sending longing glances towards the door. He knew immediately that Roger needed a hit. He could read Rogers body language better than anyone else.

He moved from his spot and walked over to him. "Come on why don't you go lay down in your room." He grabbed his arm and tried to pull him up.

"No!" Roger said pulling him back down. "Look Mark," His voice became shaky and his breathing unsteady. "If I go in there I'll be alone with my thoughts and the need will only grow. You have to keep my mind off of it. Please." He begged.

"Oh ok Roger sure." He sat down next to him.

Roger pulled his knees to his chest and began to lightly shiver. Mark reached over and pulled Roger into his arms. He was the only one who knew this, most likely from knowing Roger most of his life, Roger liked to be held. Under his bad ass rocker exterior he really just loved to have someone hold him. He didn't care who, but it gave him a sense of security and always calmed him down.

Sure enough the rockers shivering began to subside as he settled into Marks grip.

"Whose turn is it?" He asked still slightly trembling

"Yours Rog, go ahead."

Roger picked up the dice and rolled them. They continued the game with Roger in the filmmakers arms.

Finally after about a half hour Roger began to wiggle out of Marks grip. He turned around and faced Mark. "I'm ok now."

"Good."

"But I'm done playing this game. Collins was right it takes to fucking long! And I'm pretty sure you cheated" He laughed as he walked over and laid down on the couch.

"Finally, I've only been waiting for you to be done for a fucking hour. And I was not cheating!" He sarcastically shot back.

Roger looked down from the couch at Mark. "Hey, thanks for distracting me Mark."

"No thank you." Mark replied.

"For what?" Roger looked confused.

"For meeting me half way." He said with a smile.

Roger just smiled and closed his eyes. Mark looked up at him and knew they were finally making progress.


	6. Body Heat

The Fight Club line from chapter 3 was- His eyes shrink wrapped in tears.

The Life as a House from chapter 4 was- Because I like how it feels not to feel.

And the line from one of Dane Cooks acts was- Where'd you get the pink fifties you cheating whore?

Thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy!

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"Marky!" Roger moaned from his room. "Marky!"

Mark got up out of his bed and rushed out of his room running into Collins in the progress.

"Hey go back to bed Collins. I got him."

"You sure?"

"Yeah go to sleep."

Collins padded his was back to his room and Mark made his way to Rogers. He pushed open the door and walked in.

"Hey Rog you ok?" He walked over and placed his hand on his arm.

"No, Marky cold" He whined.

"Roger its like 75 degrees in here. How are you cold."

"Marky freezing."

Acting like a child was one of the many personalities Roger had taken on during the process of withdrawl. "Well you already have all of the blankets what do you want me to do?"

"Stay with me." He shivered and patted the spot next to him on the bed.

Mark sighed and got into Rogers bed. Roger scooted back and pressed himself against the warmth of the filmmaker.

"Shit Roger your skin feels like ice." He pulled himself closer and wrapped his arms around him trying to use his body heat to warm him.

"Told you." He pouted. Before drifting off to sleep.

--

Mark woke up looked down at the sleeping rock star in his arms. He was laying completely still but his breathing had become erratic and he was slightly shaking.

Mark reached up and touched his forehead. He was burning up and covered in sweat. As Marks hand made contact with Rogers skin he began to try and wiggle out of his grip.

He moaned and began to take big panic breaths. "No...stop...don't."

"Roger shh..." Mark gently shook him. "Wake up, its ok."

Rogers eyes snapped open, but Mark could tell he wasn't fully awake. He shaking began to worsen. Mark pulled him into his arms and held him tight. For some reason Marks touch always seemed to calm Roger down.

Mark bent down and kissed the top of Rogers head. "Shh...shh..its ok Rog."

His breathing slowed and the shaking began to calm. "Mark" He croaked. "Water."

"Ok" He loosened his grip on Roger and began to get up.

"No don't leave." He cried.

"Roger if you want water, I have to get up."

"No please don't leave me."

"Then you have to come with me or you don't get water." Mark rolled his eyes.

"Ok lets go."

Mark got up and pulled Roger out of bed with him. They walked out to the kitchen and Roger leaned against the counter. Mark grabbed and cup and filled it with water.

"Here."

Roger took the cup and gulped it down. "Thanks."

"Come on you need sleep."

"M'not tired."

"Roger." Mark pleaded.

"Can we watch tv or something?" Roger sounded like a five year old asking to stay up late.

"Sure Rog, but I'm not sure there's much on."

Mark walked over and sat down on the couch followed closely by Roger. He sat down and Roger leaned his head on his shoulder.

Mark reached for the remote and turned the tv on. "See I told you there's nothing on."

"Keep looking."

"Fine." Mark continued to flip through the channels tell he found some made for tv movie. "Hows this?"

"Thats fine." Roger pushed his body closer to him as if he was trying to steal all of his body heat.

Mark bit his lip and couldn't help but feel that there was another reason Roger liked to be close to him. He wondered if it had to do with more than just body heat. He thought for a moment and found himself hoping for some odd reason that it was. He wasn't in love with Roger, at least he didn't think he was.

Mark looked down and saw that Roger had already fallen asleep. Not tired my ass, he thought to himself. Before bending down and kissing Rogers temple. He really hoped Roger was looking for more than just body heat. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, falling quickly into a peaceful sleep.


	7. Walk Out the Door

Roger woke up and looked around. He was laying on the couch cuddled up next to Mark. He lay silent for a moment just thinking, and then suddenly the overwhelming urge for a hit overtook his mind. He needed it, he needed the heroin coursing through his veins, he needed it. He slowly rose up off the couch careful not to wake Mark, and slinked over to grab his coat. He threw it on and walked silently out the door.

Collins got up out of bed and walked out of his room. Mark was asleep on the couch curled up in a little ball. He walked over to Rogers room and pushed the door open, he peaked inside to find the room empty. He began to panic as he walked to the bathroom to see if he was there. "Shit!" He yelled.

That startled Mark and he awoke. "What?" He asked rubbing his eyes.

"Fuck Mark where's Roger?" Collins yelled

Mark bolted up off the couch. "He was right here asleep with me. Are you sure hes not in his room?"

"No hes gone!"

"Fuck!" Mark ran over and threw the door open with out so much as even thinking of grabbing a coat.

"Mark coat!" Collins yelled before turning back inside to search for clothes.

Mark flew down the stairs. "Shit shit shit!" He yelled. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he came to s sudden halt. There on the last step was Roger sitting crying inot his hands.

Mark walked cautiously over and sat down next to him. "Rog?" He said apprehensively. "You ok?"

Roger pulled his face out of his hands to look at Mark but he just continued to cry. Mark scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him. "Shh…Roger its ok. I'm here."

"I couldn't do it Marky." He sobbed.

"Couldn't do what?"

"I…I…I was…gonna go g…g…get a…hit…I thought I needed…it. I really…really wanted…to…M…M…Marky but I c…couldn't" He cried into Marks shoulder.

"Shh…Roger its ok that's a good thing." Mark rubbed the rock stars back reassuringly.

Just then Collins came running down the stairs with Marks coat in his hand. He stopped short when he saw the two men on the bottom stair. At first he was relieved that Roger was here, but soon that feeling was replaced and he was pissed that Roger would do this to them.

"Roger what the fuck?" He growledHeHehhekjhkz

Mark looked up to him with pleading eyes. "Collins don't, its ok I got it."

Collins ignored Marks pleas and turned back to the sobbing musician. "Why the fuck do you keep doing this to us?"

Roger turned and looked up at him tears covering his face. Suddenly he wasn't sorry, he was pissed. "Fuck off Collins." He yelled

"Roger…" Mark grabbed his wrist to try and stop him from standing up.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again!" Collins yelled. "I'm done! Fucking done! I can't handle this anymore Roger. Your fucking tearing us apart! Just leave go and get your fucking hit!"

Roger stared him straight in the eye. "Fuck you." He said before turning and walking toward the door.

"What the fuck Collins?" Mark yelled and he hopped up off the step. He ran out the door after Roger as Collins turned and walked back up the stairs.

**I'm sorry I know this is short but I felt like leaving this a cliff hanger! Hehe I'll update soon I promise!**


	8. Emotional Scar

**_Sigh_ I don't know if I am really a fan of this chapter. Roger is really needy and I don't know if I like it or not but oh well…**

"Roger wait!" Mark yelled as he ran out the door. He stopped and frantically looked in every direction try to spot Roger. He started to panic when he didn't see him anywhere. "Roger!" He called out again

He breathed a sigh of relief when he caught a glimpse of Roger shrinking into the distance. "Roger!" He yelled as he ran after him.

Roger being so worn down hadn't even tried to get away from Mark so the filmmaker caught up with him easily. He grabbed Rogers's wrist forcing him to turn and face him.

"Roger please" Mark pleaded. "Collins didn't mean it please just come home."

"He doesn't want me there Mark. You two shouldn't be doing all this for me anyway. He right I am just a burden." Roger said with tears in his eyes.

"Roger I don't want you to believe that for one second. I need you there. I want you there. Just because Collins is stressed does not mean that we don't still love you and want to take care of you."

"But I'm hurting you and I know it but I can't stop, so Collins is right I just need to go."

"Yeah its true you've hurt me but its nothing bad, mere bruises. But if you leave now that is the worst thing you could do. Not only to you but to me too. Things are really stressful right now but not having you around would destroy me. Please just come home." Mark begged.

Roger looked up and looked into Marks eyes, his deep startling blue eyes. And he could not say no. He knew that if he went back he was sure to physically hurt Mark, but leaving would leave such an emotional scar on Mark one that he knew would never heal. "Ok" Was all Roger could manage through the tears.

Mark smiled and put his arm around Roger, helping to lead him to the loft. When they reached the outside of their building Roger froze. "Rog what's wrong?" Mark asked

"I…I…I can't face Collins." He sobbed as he sank down to the floor.

Mark bent down next to him and gently wiped the tears from his eyes. "Shh…shh…Roger its ok. Collins has had some time to cool off I'm sure he's fine now."

"Please…" Roger begged.

"Please what Roger?" Mark asked

"Please…don't…hate…me," He sobbed

"Roger why would I ever hate you."

Roger didn't say anything; instead he just reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bag of smack.

"Roger…you didn't?"

"No...no…I promise mark. I…I…just…ran into my…dealer before you caught up with me. I…I didn't do it I just bought it."

Mark reached out taking the small bag from Roger and putting it in his pocket. "I believe you Rog."

"You…you...do?" Roger asked

"Do have any reason not to?" Mark said raising his eyebrow.

"N...no"

"Then I believe you. Now come on lets go up to the loft." Mark put his arm around Roger and helped him up.

They reached the top of the stairs and slowly made their way to the door of the loft. Mark could sense the fear in Roger. He rubbed his hand reassuringly on his back. "Its ok Rog, I'll talk to him."

Roger nodded and they opened the door and stepped inside. Roger kept his eyes glued to the floor doing his best to not make eye contact with Collins, who was perched on the couch reading a magazine.

"Hey Col." Mark said as they made their way to Rogers's room.

Collins said nothing. He just watched them for a moment before returning to his magazine.

They went into Rogers's room and Roger made his way to his bed while Mark shut the door. Mark walked over to Roger who was sitting on the edge of the bed with his eyes still glued to the floor.

"Hey Rog," Mark said kneeling down in front of him. "Why don't you try and get some sleep."

Roger said nothing, just kept looking at the ground. "Roger" Mark placed his hand under Rogers chin raising it so Roger was looking in his eyes. "Get some sleep ok, I'll talk to Collins.

Roger just sat for a moment staring into Marks eyes before nodding his head and lying down. Mark stood up and turned to leave but stopped when he felt Rogers hand around his wrist.

"Come back after you talk to him." He asked

"Sure Rog."

"Please" He pleaded

Mark bent down and brushed a hair out of Rogers eye. "Of course I'll come back Rog."

--

Mark quietly opened Rogers door and stepped back into his room. He walked over to the bed. Roger stirred a little before opening his eyes and looking up at Mark. "Hey" Roger said sleepily. "Did you talk to Collins?"

Mark sat down on the edge of the bed. "Yeah. He said he was really sorry for blowing up like that. He's just stressed you know? We all are."

"I know." Roger sighed.

"Look Rog I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed ok?" Mark said standing up

"No don't go." Roger begged

"Roger I have slept with you for the last like week." Mark pointed out

"Please Marky, I don't wanna be alone."

Mark sighed and lay down in bed next to Roger. Roger scooted closer to Mark and pressed up against his back.

"Mark?"

"Yeah Rog?"

"Thank you, for everything."

"Your welcome."

They laid next to each other in silence before Roger spoke again. "Marky?"

"Yeah."

"I love you."

Mark stayed silent for a moment contemplating what Roger had just said before he replied. "I love you too Rog."

**Hmm…could something more be developing between our two boys…? Who knows? **


	9. Goodbye

"Fuck" Roger sighed from his spot on the couch.

Mark looked up from his film equipment and over at Roger who was sitting on the couch attempting to play his guitar. But his hands were shaking so badly it was proving difficult.

"Rog…you ok?" Mark asked as he walked over to the couch and sat down next to the songwriter.

"Fuck…Mark I cant do this!" He cried.

"Shh…shh…Rog its ok." Mark said as he rubbed his back soothingly. Mark reached out and touched Rogers's hand. "Fuck Roger you're freezing." He got up and went into his room grabbing a blanket and bringing it back out to wrap around Roger.

"Thanks." Roger sighed

"Here" Mark said taking Rogers guitar and setting it on the ground. "Why don't you try and rest. Your body is worn out you need it."

"Ok." Roger said with a nod of his head as he stretched out and laid down on the couch.

Mark smiled and got back up to go continue to work on his film. He absorbed himself in the film and didn't tear himself away until he heard the door open and Collins walk in.

"Shh…" Mark said pointing at the sleeping figure on the couch.

Collins nodded and walked over to the answering machine and pushing play. There were a few random ones from Marks mother, nothing of great interest. Until he reached the last one.

"Hello Thomas Collins this is Jane from MIT we were wondering if you would consider coming back and teaching for us again for a little while. We would need you very soon, so please give us a call as soon as you get this message. Have a nice day."

The message stopped and Collins went over and sat on the table. They were silent for a moment before Mark finally spoke up. "I think you should go."

"No Mark I can't. You guys need me here, I'm not just gonna abandon you and him."

"Collins you wouldn't be abandoning us, plus we could really use the money you know that." Mark pointed out.

"Yeah I know Mark, but you know as well as I do that Roger is a lot to handle lately." Collins countered.

"I know Col, but this is a good opportunity for you and for us to make some money. Get Roger some real food, maybe even some heat. Collins you know you want to do this and you know this would be good for us in the long run." Mark pleaded

"I know Mark but…" Collins trailed off.

Mark looked down as he saw Roger stir on the couch. "Collins you should go." Roger mumbled

Collins just sighed and walked into his room. "I'll think about it." He called out.

--

"Well I guess its time for me to go." Collins sighed as he grabbed the few belongings he decided to take with him.

"Yeah." Mark and Roger quietly agreed

"Look you guys I wont be gone very long."

"Col, stop worrying about us we will be fine." Mark pointed out.

"Yeah I know you will be, but I'm still allowed to worry." The professor laughed

"Have fun, Col." Roger said quietly

"I will, and look I'll call every chance I get." He said turning to Mark. "And seriously don't hesitate to call if you need anything. Please promise me that Mark." He asked

"I promise." Mark said.

"No matter what time of day. I doesn't matter if its noon and I'm in class or three in the morning and I'm asleep, just call me whenever you need me." Collins said.

"We will be fine." Mark said with a smile as he pushed Collins toward the door. "Just go."

Collins stepped aside and gave Roger a hug. "Be strong." He whispered in his ear.

He then turned and hugged Mark. "If you need anything." He said one last time.

"Ok Col, just get a move on." Mark laughed as he pushed him toward the door.

"Bye boys." Collins said as he walked out the door.

"Bye." They called after him

--

"Fuck! Mark! I need a hit!" Roger screamed as he burst out of his room.

"No! Roger no!" Mark yelled as he tried to hold him back. "Fuck why the hell did I let Collins leave."

"Mark get the fuck off of me!" Roger exclaimed as he threw Mark off of him onto the floor.

"Roger please!" Mark pleaded as he began to cry. "Please Roger don't do this." He begged reaching up to grab for Rogers's wrist but missed as Roger made a dash for the door.

Mark slumped back against the wall and buried his head in his hands. "Please Roger." He sobbed.

Roger reached the door and began to pull it open, but when he turned and looked back at Mark he stopped.

"I can't do this." Mark was sobbing into his hands. "Roger."

Roger couldn't move, he was glued to the spot and his heart was breaking for Mark as tears began to poor out of his own eyes.

"Mark…" He choked out.

Mark just sat there his head buried in his hands. Roger closed the door and collapsed onto the floor as he began to sob.

Mark looked up when he heard the door close. "Roger…?"

"I'm sorry Mark, I'm sorry." Roger cried.

"Shh…shh…" Mark cooed as he inched his way over to him.

"Marky…don't…"

"Rog, its ok." Mark said as he rubbed small circles on his back.

Roger lifted his head out of his hands and looked up at Mark. He raised his hand and ran his thumb over the cut above Marks eye where his head had come in contact with the floor. "You're bleeding."

"Its ok Roger. I'm fine." Mark reassured him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he dropped his hand.

"Come on." Mark said as he stood up and pulled Roger to his feat. "Do you want me to make you something to eat?" He asked

Roger just nodded as tears continued to silently fall from his eyes.

**Yeah I know the last chapter made it seem like there would be a lot more Mark/Roger but there really wasn't in this one. But don't worry it will come!**

**Reviews are amazing as I really don't know where this is going henceforth I'm open to any suggestions!**


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